Dearest Ada (and readers)
Cuteness! Cuteness is not a force to be underestimated. Despite being myself single for the longest time oh my gosh I still occasionally find myself drawn into aspirations of wifedom. Not even the wedding part! Some part of my mind has been so conditioned (probably by Disney Princesses) that I find even the most mundane aspects of being in a long term committed relationship attractive. I’ve even started romanticising fights, like some romcom heroine who just wants to be loved.
Singledom for me is now less of a choice, more a habit. I haven’t the foggiest idea of how one might go about catching a potential suitor, as my foray into online dating has just lead me to the hilarity of the modern straight-white-teenage ‘fuckboy’ on Tinder. Par exemple:
These are three separate people, all of whom thought the best way to attract a lady was to send crude messages to every girl they came across *heh, came across* until someone finally responded to them in the affirmative. It is basically the same for every dating/hook up site, excluding the ones aimed at old people or sugar babies. It turns out, I like being in control too much to be a proper sugar baby, which is very annoying because I like to paid for my time. However this does not in any way prevent me from understanding one of the simplest (yet apparently hardest to grasp) facts of life.
As Ada (correctly) pointed out, to be single is ‘not a burden, it’s as normal as normal gets’. It is perfectly fine to be on your own – beyond that, it makes sense. For one thing, there are a myriad of sexualities that do not revolve around being part of a couple/group: asexuality, aromanticism and autosexuality to name but a few. you would tell these people that they should ignore what their own bodies are telling them and shack up with someone ‘just in case’ they get lonely? Do you hear yourself? This isn’t the 1950s anymore, people!
Every single human on this rock we call our home is their own person. Every one of us have our own beliefs, our own opinions, and our own personalities. With this comes our right to be ourselves! We are better than twitter might lead you to believe. Love is important (#GirlLove #samelove) but above love for others we must have self love. If you do not love yourself, how can you love someone else? Wouldn’t you want the best for them? Well then, you should become the best version of yourself that you can. Non of that superhero-style self-denial: if you want something or someone, then become worthy of it/them. Self-improvement should be everybody’s main goal in life, I find. That and meeting One Direction. Do not be co-dependent, be courageous, and admit that you are the most important thing in your life. It’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes (plus, self-dates are amazing: sometimes people think you’ve been stood up and give you free stuff in sympathy – and there is no one’s company I like more than my own).
I will conclude with Ada’s words: There is nothing wrong with working on yourself and enjoying who you are as person without someone else doing that with or for you.
PS love yourself by listening to One Direction’s new album, eating a mountain of left over Christmas chocolate and then rewatching Legally Blonde for the bazillionth time, because trust me Elle Woods is a great proponent of self love, if you need a little inspiration.