Alienation

I want to MOVE
but also to sleep for a million billion years and
never wake up.

no sleeping beauty story for me, just
endless sleep forever and ever and ever until the sun has burned out and
the erinaceous [1]world has passed through the Andromeda galaxy
into the dark regions of this plane,
one tiny little frozen rock in the infinity of space,
drifting aimlessly until it crashes into the side of the shrinking universe,
and now I’m back inside my own head and rocking
my knee from side to side,
in a hopeless effort to release some of this kakorrhaphiophobia[2],
this reckless tension
that is humming, ringing through my body.

my fingers speeding over the screen of my phone
as I try to detail this restless tired inanity that is my

Mind.

circular thoughts spiralling round and round and round
like the earth on its axis, infinite and yet minute and definitely
dying all at once, and the feeling will not stop but at least I have
shared it, spread it, poured my thoughts
into these words that are somehow both

exactly what I need and too insignificant to ever truly display
the feelings of the universe inside my head.

[1] Like a hedgehog
[2] Abnormal fear of failure
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