A Memorable Encounter

(Disclaimer: the beliefs held in this piece are all fictitious, and are in no way my beliefs.)

Today I looked into the yawning mouth of the abyss and saw the face of God. And I was turned away.

Turned away by the Almighty, the Forgiver, the Father, he who must not be named- wait, scratch that, that’s Voldemort. Not that they’re that dissimilar: God’s always punishing his ‘Chosen People’ too.

But anyway. I was turned away by the almighty God, creator of heaven and earth and Sammy Davis Jr. and the rest. Talk about Daddy issues: I’m going to be feeling this one for millennia.

I wonder which sin made him reject me: the occasional gay thought? That time I stole a piece of chewing gum? Probably not that one, to be honest, seeing as I put it straight back. Maybe it wasn’t my time – but no I wouldn’t have been stood at the edge of nothingness if it wasn’t my time to go. Anyway, given God’s similarity looks-wise to John Barrowman I doubt it was the gay thing either. Maybe God was really serious about that whole ‘thou shalt not use the Lord’s name in vain’ thing, because God knows I’ve done that enough times.

I feel like it’s all these questions that are the worst part, because I don’t suppose I’ll ever get the chance to meet the big cheese again. I sort of get the feeling it’s a one time deal – either you’re in, or you’re out.

So I guess that’s me out of the running, then. That’s the end of everything. Wow, I wish I could listen to some Sinatra or Bublé right now, to calm my nerves, but mostly there’s just lots of nothingness here in –

Oh.

Oh fuck.

I’m in hell, aren’t I?

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