there are some things I know I can write about again and again and still not come anywhere close to what I want to say

the worst thing about loss
isn’t actually that someone
is gone but in that they’re no longer
there.
You think, immediately after someone dies,
the pain can’t get any
worse. But.
It’s when you turn around and talk to
someone and you realise they’re no longer
there that it hits you, that there’s no
thing you can do anymore, there’s just
a them-shaped gap in your life that will
never really heal over, just a sort of
void they used to fit into, like
your life is a jigsaw but
someone stabbed you in the
side and ran off with a
piece.
Because it does hurt – loss, I mean,
it’s not just a mental thing, but
a physical sensation of fire in your ribcage
it’s not a cliché for no reason, the pain
of loss is a physical thing and there’s
nothing to be said or
done, you just walk around living,
like there’s been no change, everything is
the same, even though to you it’s like
the whole world has slightly
blurred.

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